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Why did you laugh?

God has such a funny, sweet way of talking to me. Sometimes, I hear him call me homegirl, and sometimes I hear him say my beloved daughter. I wouldn't trade my relationship with the LORD for anything in this world but sometimes I laugh at Him.

2017 has been a year of the LORD speaking very boldly to me. Bold in ways that scare me, because they are so big and beyond me, they test my faith, they ask my heart where my alliance really lies. Faith in the LORD, or fear in my control?

Recently the LORD has been giving me visions. Visions that have come to pass, and visions that are still out there waiting...

I've never had visions before this year and as cool as it is to experience the LORD in that way, I find myself questioning and doubting. I find myself laughing, telling myself I am crazy, and blaming my insane imagination. But deep down I hear a voice saying, "Why are you laughing?"

Apparently God needed to make that voice a lot louder when today Zoey told me a story of a woman who also laughed. 

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Genesis 18:10: Then one of them said, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.”

Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him.11 Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. 12 So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?”

13 Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ 14 Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.”

15 Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, “I did not laugh.”

But he said, “Yes, you did laugh.”

"Kaylie, why are you laughing? Is anything too hard for me?" No LORD, nothing is too hard for you. 

Currently my spirit of laughter is unbelief, and fear.  

God is challenging me to turn my spirit of laughter into a spirit of faith. Rejoicing in the LORD whose word is infallible. Pure laughter that is full of faith, and not full of fear. 

Sarah lied and said she didn't laugh out of fear. I sometimes lie that I don't laugh, but I know I laugh in the fear of my control even if the laughter never leaves my mind. But what would it look like to have laughter in faith?

When these visions happen, embrace them, trust them, but give them back to the LORD. When things start to happen and come to pass and I find myself laughing, laugh in the spirit of faith. "Yes, there it is LORD, what you spoke happened, and I'm laughing as a result of my joy, faith, and thanksgiving."

So maybe laughing isn't all that bad, like I said, sometimes the LORD calls me homegirl, and I laugh at His whit. But why I'm laughing is the true question. Is it out of fear, or is it out of faith?

Why are you laughing? 

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My Great...

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God, You are so incredible. You're so intentional. I can't explain Your wonders. You opened my eyes to the world and the works at Your hand and I'm so happy I'm Yours. I get to serve such an incredible all powerful God. You saw me, Your works aren't done in secret. You chased me down, to the ends of the universe; my great romancer. There has never been one like You, and there will never be one like You. You are the mighty, You are the chosen. You created me in reflection of You; from the dust of the earth You created your word stands firm and forever, and I will exalt You. My great creator. Your word is infallible and Your timing is indescribable. No way I could ever chalk this life up to coincidence. Lord, when I ask for You to reveal yourself, You don't disappoint, You are there; my great deliverer. I am hidden in you Lord, but, You are not hidden to me. What a beautiful surrender, what a beautiful relationship I never knew was possible. A beautiful resting place, shelter, and refuge. Lord, Your words are coming to life and dancing off the page changing mine. I cant take my eyes off You. My heart is tethered to You. You've won my heart, Jesus, You are all that I want. This is only just a glimpse of You, a taste of You; my great everything.

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Sowing in tears

Hi friends, It's been a while, how are you? What's new?

I just recently moved from Minneapolis, MN to Gilbert, AZ (my hometown) it's been almost 6 years since I lived here, can you believe that? 

When I first arrived I was super shocked to see how much things had changed. In specific, how many corn fields were now shopping centers or gas stations. Oddly enough it broke my heart. I loved these corn fields; so many memories. I loved the way it felt at night driving with the windows down next to a corn field. It was such a clean crisp breeze on a warm summer night. I loved watching them grow, and evolve. I know, I'm weird. But maybe I'm so sad about them being gone because God has been teaching me a lot about crops lately.

Returning to Arizona has been exciting but also very hard for me. It's hard to be in a place that reminds you of who you used to be when you're evolving and not that person anymore. I used to have no problem making new friends and jumping in, but in Arizona I feel like I hit a wall. Almost like I don't want to allow myself to get comfortable here. I'm afraid that if I get too close I'll get stuck here. But what if thats what God is asking me to do? Why am I so afraid of that? it's painful, folks. I'm sure thats why it's called growing pains.

Recently I joined a church here in Tempe, and I met a lot of great people. People who made me feel welcomed, and that I belonged. There truly isn't a better feeling than feeling the urgency of spirit saturated in a church. I met this girl Zoe who I just spilled the beans of my life to within 20 minutes of knowing her. I kept saying, I "feel God want's me planted in community." "Planted here in AZ." "Rooted in His truth." ect, ect. I say this as I carry a journal that says "bloom where you are planted" (haha, sorry I just love God's humor). I was explaining my frustration of feeling called to be planted when my job literally does the complete opposite. Truthfully my job has been a real struggle for me lately. I've been getting resentful of how much life I am missing out on. I've been getting incredibly frustrated, to the point of tears, many many tears. I had move to Arizona in hopes of it being easier when in reality I feel even more separated from community. Later that day Zoe texted me Psalm 126. I cried when I read it. 

1 When the Lord brought back his exiles to Jerusalem,
    it was like a dream!
2 We were filled with laughter,
    and we sang for joy.
And the other nations said,
    “What amazing things the Lord has done for them.”
3 Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us!
    What joy!

4 Restore our fortunes, Lord,
    as streams renew the desert.
5 Those who plant in tears
    will harvest with shouts of joy.
6 They weep as they go to plant their seed,
    but they sing as they return with the harvest.

Y'ALL IM PLANTING IN TEARS; but what deliverance God promises over us. This "waiting" period is HARD but it's not in vain. I'm going out to the desert everyday in my humility and planting my seeds with my tears. I weep. I say, "Bring up something new in me LORD. Plant me in community, plant me here in Arizona, root me in Your truth, and then bring forth the harvest of Joy and Singing in me to go out into the world and change things for Your glory God." And I know it will happen because he says so. 

I just want to encourage you, if you're going through a hard season, you're not alone. Keep going out into the garden and planting your seeds. God is the root of it all and what a plentiful harvest you will reap. 

Even though I was sad to see the corn fields torn down I'm understanding now that there is a season for everything. The land that once held the corn field is still there, it's just something different. Not bad, just different. A place that invites others in, refuels people, clothes peoples, feeds people, and so much more. And if God can do that with a simple corn field, how much more will He do for you. Love you. 

 

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The Unnecessary No - How's your soul?

How’s your soul?

Last week I spent in L.A. enjoying the sunshine, the decaf coffee (I’m on a fast, prayers please, haha), and God’s perfect precious word. On Wednesday night Jen and I went to Judah, led by City Church pastor, Judah Smith. Judah preached on what how confusing and time consuming it can be figuring out what is healthy for us, on the outside; have we ever considered how confusing it can be to know we are healthy on the inside? Spiritually? What does that look like? He went through some key things from Genesis that really spell out how it looks like being healthy on the inside.

4 Key elements:

  1. Rest/Enjoyment (Genesis 1:8)

  2. Responsibility (Genesis 1:15)

  3. The Unnecessary No (Genesis 1:16)

  4. Community (Genesis 1:18)

I really wanted to focus on the unnecessary no, because speaking from first hand experience this one really shook my life, and cleaned up my spirit real quick.

Genesis 1: 16, “God commanded the Man, "You can eat from any tree in the garden, except from the Tree-of-Knowledge-of-Good-and-Evil. Don't eat from it. The moment you eat from that tree, you're dead."

Out of all the trees, who knows how many, God gave us freewill, to chose, every day Adam walks by all the trees, and everyday he walks by The-Tree-Of-Good-and-Evil and he has to look at it and say no.

There is something so beautiful in the free will God gave us to say no. No to important things.

No to unimportant things.

Having healthy boundaries is so good for your mental and spiritual health. If you’re anything like me you have to really practice saying no. Seriously, sometimes I look in the mirror and practice saying no, just so it comes out more naturally when it’s actually time to spew the phrase. Just kidding, I don’t spew. But “No” is such a foreign word to me. I am a people pleaser to the max, being accommodating, helpful, and always saying YES, is the essence of my existence. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but you get what I mean. Saying no isn’t how I roll. Until one day a lovely flight attendant sat down next to me on the jumpseat and without prompting turned to me and said,

“You’re always taking care of everyone else. It’s like God gave you a car full of gas and you drain the gas on everyone else and then ask God, “Where to?” It gets you nowhere.”

With tears streaming down my face I knew what she meant. How can I possibly take care of others if I can’t even take care of myself. How can I say no to others if I can’t say no to myself.

Mind you this flight attendant spoke these beautiful God filled words over me in August and it wasn’t until October I finally put it in practice.

I decided to say No to something that was a big strong hold on my life.

Instagram.

Do I think Instagram is awful, or evil, or the devil’s spawn? Absolutely not.

I just kept asking myself, why?

Why do I have Instagram? Because it’s just a thing to do?

Do I feel healthy on Instagram? Uh, yeah, I guess?

Does Instagram bring any meaning to my life?

You know what’s funny? You are the master manipulator of yourself. Do you know how easy it is to justify the most ridiculous reason to stay on something you know deep down you really don’t need to?  That was Instagram for me.

So I decided, no.

Was it necessary? No.

Was it cathartic? ABSOLUTELY.

Holy moly, y’all I can put into words (actually I can, that’s why this is a blog) how transformative it was for me.

I dragged the little bible app where Instagram used to be on my home bar so any time my muscle memory thumb wanted to peruse through Instagram- guess what, I’d be reading the good word. And yes I did, in 3 months I read all of the new testament in 2 different versions and then decided to learn who God was in the old testament. Reading about Jonah, Ruth, Cain and Abel, Saul, Jonathan, David, Solomon, and so many more.

Want to hear the best part? One unnecessary no led to so many more!

I finally started saying no to certain foods that made me not feel my best. Gluten, and dairy primarily.

I started saying no to laying in bed everyday all day and started going for runs which then led to working out more.

I started saying no to Netflix to get a proper amount of sleep at night.

I started saying no to small, unnecessary things.

Did I have to cut out food that made me feel bad? No. No one was making me. But why would I feed my body fuel that was hurting it?

Did I have to say no to sleeping in? No, I work really hard and on my days off I want to sleep, but I realized too much sleep isn’t good for me. Get up be active. Treat your body like a temple, because it is, and keep it healthy!

Did I have to say no to Netflix before bed? Haha, no. But I did! And I started going to bed at a decent time every night. Letting my brain shut down to get a good nights sleep.

Through all these unnecessary no’s, I don’t even recognize the girl I was in October. Physically, I’ve lost 30 pounds. Mentally, I have a new found strength, and Spiritually, I’m so deeply rooted and immersed in God's word I view everything different. The veil has been lifted. The truth has not been withheld. The peace surpasses all understanding. The wisdom is set on flood gate mode.

And the best part of all is the affirmation. Wednesday night wasn’t an accident. God had me right where he wanted me. Listening to the good word. Reminding me of how far we’ve come, him and I together.

So you remember those 4 key elements?

I believe they all work hand in hand with one another. I believe if you do one the ripple effect will be them all. Through my one, silly, unnecessary no, it rippled to many, and those many decision led to a healthy soul. I now rest, and enjoy. I understand the hard work, and I do it. I’m more intentional with my time. MY car is well taken care of. Now I’m not draining the gas on everyone and everything. I’m cleaning out the vents. Unclogging the hoses. Filling myself with premium oil. I’m running on the kingdom’s gas. And I’m ready for when someone jumps in the car with me and we excitingly ask, “Where to God!?”

How’s your soul? Really...

If you would like to here the sermon yourself click HERE

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