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Begin Again

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now.

I just climbed into my bed here in England, and chuckled.

Man, I have spent many nights in bed dreaming of one day being abroad, of one day traveling the world, and of one day writing about my travels. Here I am, countless of countries down, and yet here is my website, vacant.

When I was nineteen years old Taylor Swift dropped the music video for her song Begin Again. And as everyone watched and oohed over her lyrics and grace (like I normally do) I couldn’t help but be insanely jealous of her music video shoot in france. HOW BEAUTIFUL?! HOW ROMANTIC?! I would get there one day. I promised myself I would love it... I would write all about it...  The summer of 2016 I finally went, and to be completely honest, I hated it. So I pretended like I never went, and if I was asked, I would say, “you know, it isn’t my favorite place.” 

After that trip and some heartbreak I kind of gave up on writing. I got off instagram and stopped sharing about my travels. After a while, I stopped traveling altogether. 

But even though I've grown and changed so much since then why does it seem like I can’t find the words to say when I finally sit down to write them?

Maybe I've been trying to truly absorb what has happened in my life the last five years... and it's hard to absorb. It’s almost outer body. Maybe I feel like talking about my travels is bragging? Or pretending to love something I didn’t.  Maybe I haven’t been completely honest about how I felt in the past? Maybe it’s because I’ve learned to keep what matters the most to me dear to my heart? Regardless of the reasons I've been silent on here about my travels I've come to a place where I don’t want to be anymore. 

I don’t want to sit here and write about what you want to hear, I want to write the truth. I want to say what needs to be said. I want you to come to my page because you want to. Because it inspires you. I want this to be a platform that encourages you, and urges you to see the world for yourself. I don't want you to view me as unapproachable, or a life that's unattainable.

I am just a girl who one day dreamed of the things I’m doing now. 

And if you’re still reading this, chances are you have those same dreams.

I want to help you achieve them. 

Sometimes you need to go back to the same place, changed, a different person, to truly enjoy it.

3 summers after my below par visit to France, I reluctantly went back to experience the Women’s World Cup. I spent the whole summer there, and anyone who knows me knows France is one of my favorite places in the world now. (aside from Scotland of course)

And I live a train ride away from BOTH; I truly am the luckiest girl.

So maybe it’s time for me to come back to this blog, changed, a different person, to truly show you my love for writing and traveling.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s time for me to, Begin Again.

xo, Kaylie

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Who is she?

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Who is she?

What does it look like to be all the things you’ve wished to be? You’ve dreamed of becoming? You’ve imagined accomplishing?

Where are you in it?

Are you happy?

Was it what you thought it would look like?

Have you become what you anticipated becoming?

Do you like her? 

You, yourself.

Your reflection in the mirror you see starring back at you?

Or does it feel like a stranger?

A person you’ve seen many times at the coffee shop but never stopped to grab their name?

Familiar, but no recollection of who they are.

A flame once burning so bright, so encouraged, inspired; blown out by a single gust of wind.

Dust settling into the ground, weighed down by the single droplets of rain.

The unthreading of a rope that held for far too long.

Who is she? Where has she gone?

What you don’t understand is you are still her, deep down.

The same storm that took her out is the same ingredients needed to ignite her once again.

Fire needs oxygen and friction.

When the wind starts blowing, lean in, and breathe.

Dust is meant to settle, so when the rain comes, enjoy your moment of rest, but be prepared to get back up again.

When the rope begins to unthread, climb faster and harder than you ever have before.

Bringing all your tools with you to repair on the way up. 

Do you see her?

The girl who fought to be all you wished of becoming, imagined of accomplishing.

She was never meant to die at the top.

No. The top was just the beginning.

Because beyond the top is a journey so much further, and more powerful, than you could ever imagine.

But the top requires a fire that can reignite, dust that knows when to settle and when to stir up, and a tight knotted rope that you know when to grab on, and trust it won’t break.

Close your eyes, breathe in the fresh air, do you smell it?

A storm is coming; what they don’t know is with God you’re the bigger storm. 

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Faith > Sense

*Disclaimer: I actually wrote this blog about a month ago... For some reason I never got around to posting it, but maybe I wasn't supposed to then. Maybe God knew it was for this time all along. *

Isn’t it funny how you find yourself learning from a situation you’re supposed to be teaching? Every Sunday night I lead High School Senior girls with my amazing co-leader Candace. Well this week was different, Candace gets married on Thursday so her bridesmaids surprised her for a little getaway night on Sunday which would leave me alone with the girls. Dun dun duh! I’m totally joking, they are not THAT bad. But man, the LORD had Candace away for a reason, and had me alone with them for a reason. I found myself in the sermon, holding back tears. What sermon was supposed to be catered for the 230+ high school students had this 24 year old on the edge of her seat….

How do you stay faithful and do as God calls you even when it’s confusing?

DANG.

How am I supposed to teach my girls the very thing I’m trying to teach myself?

Do I pretend to have it all together, talk about the times when the LORD has showed up in the past, or do I be brutally honest with them? Do I share the very moment I’m in with them?

When I asked this question to them, to my surprise they didn’t even know the meaning of this question.

“Does this mean choosing not to sin?”

It got me thinking, do I even understand the meaning of this question?

What does staying faithful even mean?

Does it mean never doubting? Never being afraid or discouraged? Does it mean saying YES from the very start? Does that mean never having to talk yourself into something? Does that mean never wrestling with God?

SO MANY QUESTIONS!

When I’m faced with so many questions like this, I go to the only one who can and has answered these questions. God.

How many people in the bible were considered faithful but faced doubt, fear, discouragement, a wrestle, a questioning spirit?

SO MANY.

Moses, Joshua, Abraham, Sarah, Jacob, Elijah, Gideon, Peter, Paul shall I continue? But yet these people all seem to be considered faithful?

Because at the end of the day DESPITE their doubt, fear, discouragement, and the wrestle, they CHOOSE to remain in TRUTH of who God IS and not held captive in the _____ of their situation.

Being Faithful is an option.

Having faith is not.

Faith has been freely given to you, choosing to utilize it is up to you.

Romans 12:3 (emphasis added) “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.”

Eph 2:8 (emphasis added) “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—

When you realize that being faithful already deals with confusion it simplifies that question down to

How do you stay faithful and do as God calls you?

And we already answered that being faithful is despite doubt, fear, discouragement, and the wrestle, we choose to remain in TRUTH of who God IS and not being held captive in the _____ of our situations.

So now the question is:

HOW DO YOU -stay faithful and- DO AS GOD CALLS YOU -even when it’s confusing?-

Well before we can know how to do as God calls you, first we need to know how God calls you.

We know in Romans 12 Paul says we’ve been called and set apart but first:

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

What does it mean to be transformed by the renewing of your mind?

I don’t know if your parents ever hounded you with the saying. “You are who you hang out with”

No? Okay, let’s pretend they did; and gasp, to my surprise they were right!

I’ll never forget the day I started saying “Wild” in different conversations because my roommate at the time said it ALL THE TIME, (sorry Zoey).

Or the fact that I say my “O’s” with a Minnesota accent to now my friends in Arizona, who might I add, have never been there, say their “O’s” with a Minnesota accent as well.

Well, in the same way, if you hang out with the LORD, your language will change. You’ll find yourself speaking different, acting different, and thinking different. Your mind will be transformed by the Holy Spirit coming in and cleaning house.

Philippians 4:8: “Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

I’ll never forget the day I started crying at church after bearing witness to something the LORD was doing. I was talking to Lindsay, and I was laughing, “How is it that I’m so happy over something that has no effect on me?” Her response still echoes in my head, “It’s amazing how surprised we get when the Holy Spirit actually comes in and renews our mind, even when we’re the ones who asked for it.”

SO TRUE.

When you spend time in bible you will learn the voice of God, and when you learn the voice of God you’ll be able to decipher what the LORD is asking of you.

Like my parents said you are who you hang out with.

So basically the answer is within the question… 

How do you stay faithful and do as God calls you even when it is confusing?

Well, you do it by choosing to trust, despite everything inside you naturally wanting to question and doubt. Rest in who you know the LORD is. Knowing the LORD; by staying in queue with him, in constant communication with him, knowing his voice, knowing the truth He speaks over you and your situation, and knowing the LORD is strong enough, powerful enough, and perfect to overcome ANYTHING. So despite the confusion, KNOW the LORD is NOT a God of confusion, he has given you peace, choose to let that peace rain down over you. Fight the good fight. Knowing it has nothing to do with your situation and everything to do with your God.

God bless friends!

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Leave Everything, Follow Me

 

Recapping a sermon that really made me think. Am I really chasing after the LORD? Sometimes it can be confusing to walk away from the very blessing God just provided, or the very miracle He just preformed... But if Jesus were to say leave it all, would you? Would you really?

Check out the amazing sermon by Steven Furtick here: http://elevationchurch.org/sermons/th...

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